Homemade Pastry Porn

I just love me some pastry porn...especially homemade pastry porn. I had a can of biscuits on hand and some ideas in my head so, naturally, baking thus ensued.

 

 

Ingredients You Will Need...

 

I literally took the leftover dark chocolate chunks (nibs, pieces, whatever you wanna call them, they're all flavored the same) and some pumpkin butter that I had lying around and combined everything to make some delicious (yet slightly burnt on the bottom end) pastries just because it's what I wanted to eat for BRUNCH.

 

 

What Your Pastries Should Resemble...

 

 

Once you have gotten out all of your enhancements, this is how the pastries should look. I have two discs speckled with dark chocolate nibs, I have two pumpkin butter swirls, and two pockets (most likely overstuffed, so ignore my lead on that one) filled with butter and nibs then folded over. Again, I went a bit white girl wasted on these last two, so they will definitely overflow if you don't pay better attention then I did. Why didn't I? Simple. I was hungry. End of.

 

 

Finished Product

 





 

Again, this is the finished product of  baking at 375 degrees for 15 minutes (it only needed 12 minutes but I lost track due to cleaning). They are quite delicious, but they came with a bit of charring on the bottom because, well, impatience is a trait that I am currently working on as far as self improvement is concerned. Still, the outcome looks quite delicious, and it tastes good to me, too, but be warned: I used a can of butter biscuits that I had on hand so, naturally, these tasted half like pastries and half like buttery biscuits. To be honest, I wasn't complaining as I kind of liked the flavor combo. Thus, proceed at your own risk.

 

 

 

Buon Appetito!!

Featuring My Favorite Things for Fall.

Ah, Autumn. Warm & sunny days which lead to crisp & chilly nights. Long gone are the days of short shorts, flip flops, and seeing ass everywhere. Now are the days that every basic white girl has been longing for: sweater, ugg boots, and fleece lined leggings weather. Thus, I aim to bring you guys my favorite things for Fall... at least food and drink wise. Shall we begin? We shall!!!

1) Trader Joe's Pumpkin Butter. As you may know from previous posts, I became obsessed with this magical elixir upon walking through my campus TJs and let's just say that this stuff is definitely made from unicorns and centaurs and all things Hogsmeade...so bring on the holiday treats, bitches?!!!!

 

 

2) Pumpkin Spice Smoothies. If you want to have that Autumn season taste without the caffeine attack then a smoothie is the way to go. Pumpkin butter, almond milk, bananas, and ice in a blender will result in a blend that will make your taste buds sing. Go on, indulge...the calorie count is low in this one.

 

 

 

 

3) Autumn Bark. I love crunchy, sweet and salty things to munch on that won't bloat my waistline, and homemade bark/granola is the way to go. As you can see, this was made with pistachio, pumpkin seeds, almond, cranberries, and honey...so go ahead and eat the whole thing. I promise that no one will know.

 

 

 

 

 

4) Pumpkin Energy Bites. Raw no-baked chewy balls are soo every season, thanks to Pinterest. The autumn versions are no exception, and they are absolutely delicious. I personally recommend these for broke and sleep deprived college students like myself that need an energy jolt between classes but refuse to die from overdosing on those toxic energy drinks.

 

 

 

 

5) Pumpkin Spice...Hot Cocoa. What, did you think that I was gonna suddenly approve of all things BWG and add the Pumpkin Spice Latte to this list?? Newsflash...I don't like lattes, I don't like Starbucks (Dunkin Donuts foreverrrr), but I do live the hot cocoa I made a couple days back that featured melted pumpkin butter, so...yeah. Here's that. Enjoy it, or not. I don't care.

 

 

 

 

 

Bien Provecho e Buon Appetito!!!

 







Treat Yo'Self.

As of tomorrow, and Thursday (with the blessing of The Man & Woman Upstairs), I will officially be finished with my entire semester of FOUNDATIONS OF ALGEBRA (aka Algebra for beginners) class!!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!! (in the vein of Daniel Bryan from WWE) I can't believe this, but at the same time, my upper back and shoulders believe it because I have spent tireless hours up past 1am doing this course in order to complete it in under the 14 day trial period. You see, the pitfalls of being a broke-ass college student means that all of my money went to transit to and fro class, buying what supplies I could get asap, and (of course) sustenance and libations aka food & drink. Thus, no dinero for MathLab online course' access code, which is $90, and $150 with the book...so...yeah no Bueno. No Bueno at all.


With the imminent arrival of the end of my course, I figured that I should celebrate, but since I repeat that I am a broke-ass college student, I will suffice with making another batch of Pumpkin Butter Hot Cocoa.

Afterwards, I shall curl up with a good YouTube channel, and lull myself to sleep. Tomorrow, I will finish up the last homework assignment and then the last quiz (I have already passed my midterm...WITH A MUTHAFCUKIN 95?!!!!) and await my practice final to arrive in my email. La Vie est Belle...Troup Belle.



Bien Provecho!!!

Pumpkin Spice Pie in Your Daily Breakfast Things.

I stumbled into Trader Joes this past Friday and the feeling was a mutual love for one another. For those of you who DON'T know, Trader Joes is what I love to call "Whole Foods with Better Prices & a Moral Compass". What may cost $10 at Whole Foods will cost $2-$4 @ TJ's, making it friendly and easy for college students or those who are on limited budgets to eat healthy, organic, and well.

While perusing the aisles of this glorious wonderland, I came upon a jar of magical unicorn blood called Pumpkin Butter. After sampling this ethereal nectar as it was smeared on top of dairy-free ice cream, I experienced a mouthful of orgasm that I had previously never known, and for a mere $2.29 per 10oz jar (which, for something along the consistency of apple butter/nutella, is damn cheap), I just HAD TO BUY THIS!!! Thus began our love affair...and the ideas for this very post. Let's begin!!!

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Butter

 

 

 

The first recipe that popped into my head last night was taking this glorious spread and MELTING IT INTO A POT OF HOT COCOA!!! OH MY GOODNESS WAS I RIGHT IN DOING THIS??!!!! Instead of using my Keurig, I went to the traditional stovetop method, and I'm not even talking about using a kettle pot. No. I went OLD SCHOOL AF and poured hot cocoa mix and cold milk into a pot, put the pilot on low/med heat, and let that sucker heat up to my heart's content. Then, I took one full tablespoon of this glorious Unicorn Blood aka Ambrosia aka Gift from the Gods, and dipped it into the hot cocoa, and stirred until it melted and became one with the chocolate and milk. The end result was something from another world, and I soon went to sleep after being lulled by my new best friend.

 

 

The second recipe that just NOW made its way from my head and onto my plate is Pumpkin Spice Oatmeal. Again, I took to the stovetop method of heating up cold milk, adding instant oats to the mix (which a tinge of real actual butter, no fake shit), and let it cook itself to the thickness that I desired. Towards the end, I swirled in 1.5 tbsp. of this delicious nectar of Heaven and not only is it delicious, IT TURNED MY OATMEAL THE COLOR OF PUMPKIN!!!!!! Score!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Isn't it beautiful?!?!!!! I am busy doing ALGEBRA, enjoying my Pumpkin Butter Oatmeal, and otherwise trying to reclaim my sanity, so please enjoy these seasonal treats how any basic white girl would: in ugg boots, yoga pants, a huge sweater, and while watching Netflix original programming.

 

 

 

Bien Provecho!!!





Drink Up...I Got a Work Study Opp at a Museum!!!

Naturally, this is an occasion of which I soo need to celebrate. I applied for this work study opportunity at the Museum of African American History in Beacon Hill Boston approximately two weeks ago and just heard from the professor TODAY that I got the slot!!! It's like NO MONEY AT ALL and yet it is just enough to get me to the museum, eat/drink, do things for my pets, and buy me one of those cute Fujifilm instant cameras in two different colors. Options!!!


As well, it can help pay for my blog upgrades (my actual WordPress blog) so that I can continue to have something to do aside from my work at the museum and classwork. I am truly loving this state of finally feeling accomplished on the road path to my dreams, and in honor of this new development, I have brought you some of my favorite drink recipes from across the interwebs.

Sparkling Raspberry Lemonade

 

 

 

This is the perfect drink for those like me who ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to give up summer...and let's face the facts: the weather tomorrow is slated to be nearly 90 degrees here in Boston, so who says that summer is over??? Mother Nature surely didn't?!!!

Very Berry Sangria

 

 

This...this is DEFINITELY a celebratory drink, so make it to celebrate the fact that it is gloriously still summer, an Indian Summer as I called it, here in New England. Serve with those pretty retro paper straws and you'll totally make a statement...which reminds me...can I make these to show the guy I like that I like him and wanna have his babies??? Hmmmm.....onward!!!

 

 

 

Strawberry Pineapple Mimosas

 

 

Because, why the FCUK not??? It's a FCUKING STRAWBERRY PINEAPPLE MIMOSA!??!!! Someone get me one of those funnel hat thingies and leave me to my basket of nutella croissants?!!! **** For those who wish to wimpishly make a non-alcoholic version of these drinks, sub out the Champagne for Sparkling Soda/Seltzer Water or Sparkling Cider. Same affect, slight flavor twist (then again, this isn't exactly the classic Mimosa recipe, so...), and a brightened flavor. Cheers!! *clink clink*

 

 

 

Bien Provecho!!!



 

 



Busy Day Snack Hacks...because The Struggle is REAL.

I often find myself the victim of an oncoming onslaught of snack attacks with nothing readily available to snack on. The longer I wait, the stronger it gets, and that's why an entire Talenti jar of candy from Saturday night is now empty in my bedroom. The struggle is REAL, and I am here to help you fight this war...and WIN. After all, it was Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita, RIP) who said "fighting not good, someone always get hurt...but if must fight...WIN." Paint on your under-eye war stripes, strap on your Kevlar, and let's get this party started right. Leggo!!!

Donut Chips by Pure Wow Blog

 

1) Donut Chips. Putting it blankly, you take donuts that have been store bought and remove from their container. You spray your waffle iron with non-stick spray (preferably butter flavored), place the donuts into the iron & press for up to a couple of minutes, then remove and let cool. The result? A beautiful hybrid that is too pure and good for this world.

 

 

 

Pumpkin Pie Peanut Butter Cups

 





2) Pumpkin Spice Reeses Cups. These homemade chocolate bombs can be either half pumpkin/half dark chocolate, or you can mix the pumpkin pie puree with peanut butter and then pour them into the dark chocolate molds and then freeze for several hours. This, being a no-bake recipe, is helpful to keep on hand for those times when the craving just hits you and you have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and only one option: these. Go elevate your basic white girlness and make these asap. I did you all a solid and left the link to the recipe above, so go ahead and have at it.

3) Nutella Stuffed Crescent Rolls. In about 12-14 minutes, you will have buttery, flakey, ooey gooey goodness coming straight out of your oven. If you want to take the healthier route, sub out the Nutella for smashed bananas and strawberries, but either way, the results are phenomenal. Go ahead. You'll thank me later.

4) Strawberry Banana & Nutella S'Mores. You had to know that this was coming. I mean, it's Nutella, and therefore, it will be in everything that there is when it comes to desserts (at least in my house. I don't know how you roll.). Again, if you want a "healthier" option, nix the mallows & nutella but keep the bananas and strawberries. Sprinkle on a few bits of dark chocolate chips and voila! Goodness worthy of Dionysus himself...and there was no naked bacchanalia involved in the process of obtaining these deviant and decadent delights.



Bien Provecho!

The Return of the Pumpkin Spice Everything!!!

Hello!


Tis the season to bake everything in Pumpkin Spice! Thus, in this post, I will be bringing you guys a few of my favorite all natural yet totally delicious Pumpkin Spice Pie flavored treats. From pop tarts, to cakes, to (yes) even a drink or two, this post is inspired by all things 'basic white girl', ugg boots and yoga pants OPTIONAL. Without further ado, let's go!

Pumpkin Spice Bread Pudding

This GLORIOUS dessert-for-breakfast dish, linked above to the direct recipe, is marvelous, mouth-watering, coma-inducing...and all things AUTUMN wrapped up in a pretty and delicious treat. If you don't quite understand how this works, you can either bake it the morning of (which I assume is part of the original recipe/instructions on the Love & Lemons website), or do it "overnight style" which doesn't involve baking/heat, yet yields just as yummy the result. If you wish, I will post an alternate recipe below, for my fellow finicky eaters who still yearn to indulge in this delectable seasonal fare.


Brioche Bread
Almond Milk, Vanilla/Sweetened, or Dark Chocolate (for added decadence)
Pumpkin Pie Puree, Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Coconut Sugar


Instructions (measure out according to your liking/needs):

Dice Brioche slices into cubes, then set aside in a cool glass bowl. Then, empty some (or all, depending on your needs) of the Pumpkin Pie puree into a separate bowl and add in the cinnamon, coconut sugar, and JUST A PINCH OF NUTMEG (I'm so for serious on this one because a tiny nutmeg goes such a long way, and it's flavor can totally ruin a dish if left unsupervised), stirring until completely combined. Grab your baking dish and butter the interior, then place the cubes of Brioche into the pan. Cut a ton of this so that there is an overflow, because it will all "bake" down whilst working itself out overnight. Once the cubes are in the dish, pour in your milk till it covers the cubes but isn't "overflowing". Next, smear a bit of the puree mixture onto the top, just enough for the flavor to sink into the cubes and all over the pan during the sitting process. Place into oven for 5+hours (hence the whole 'overnight' thing), and once you wake up, it should look similar to the above picture. Smear on some more puree to your liking, add whatever you want to the top (whether it be confectioner's sugar or dark chocolate chips) and heat a little until it melts then serve alongside Mimosas...because it's Mimosas, and they seriously go with everything.

Vegan Pumpkin Pie Spice Ice Cream

 

 

This, right here, in all of its deliciousness...should be criminal. It really should be illegal, but alas, it is very much legal, and can be made right in your very own kitchen. Linked above is the recipe and website of origin, but I found this on Buzzfeed, so please go thank their writers for showing us all this lovely masterpiece of frozen delight.

 

 

 



Pumpkin Spice Hot Cocoa

This right here will undoubtedly remind me of all those frigid New England mornings at the bus stop waiting for my ride to school inside of Dunkin Donuts because we would've gotten frostbite otherwise. It's hot cocoa, with pumpkin spice, and all of the warmth of a cozy winter morning, so naturally, every basic white girl will be drinking it this season...and I will be, too. Hell, why not be basic for the winter? That time of the year all but demands us to wear ugg boots, fleece lined leggings, layered sweaters, and faux fur hats/mittens/coats. Let's all be basic white girls, shall we?? WE SHALL!!!!



Bien Provecho!